Stress
by CrazyTenor42
Summary: A Jedi remembers every person he kills, every person he can't save, every mission he failed. Obi-Wan finds himself plagued by painful flashbacks and memories as he struggles through post-traumatic stress. The world around him and the reality in his mind are colliding. Anakin knows that Obi-Wan is losing himself in the battle and fights to save him from himself. Anakin/Obi-Wan.
1. Chapter 1

"I don't swim."

"Every Jedi knows how to swim, Master."

"I know how to swim, I would just prefer to avoid the activity."

"It's just some water!"

"It is water filled with sand and dirt and creatures. Unless I have a very specific reason, I plan not on wading through that…uncivilized mess."

Ahsoka turned pleadingly to Anakin. "You talk some sense into him."

Anakin, who had long given up on trying to coax Obi-Wan into the water, just shook his head. He couldn't understand Obi-Wan's fear of the water. Obi-Wan made a ton of excuses, none of them were really consistent. Maybe he was afraid of swimming, but it had nothing to do with sand, dirt, or creatures. Obi-Wan faced them on an everyday basis. Stranger still, Anakin could have sworn he had heard Bant mention several times about she and Obi-Wan swimming in the Room of One Thousand fountains as Padawans. Apparently Obi-Wan just got more boring and peculiar with age.

"Tried and failed, Snips."

"Anakin will buy you Dexters."

"Hey!"

"I can afford my own meal, thank you."

"Anakin will move out of your apartment?"

"Tempting, but no."

"It will save me the embarrassment of having a Master who splashes everyone and acts like a five year old."

"I've dealt with him for twenty years, now it's your turn. Maybe you can try and improve his behavior"

"Obi-Wan, please. All the Padawans are celebrating in the Room of One Thousand Fountains with their Masters."

"Then why aren't you going with _your _Padawan?"

"Because baldy is making me do all the paperwork I've been putting off," Anakin grumbled.

"_Master Windu,_ please, Anakin. And how many missions of paperwork have you been putting off?"

Anakin shrugged. "Four or five."

"Anakin!"

"I know, I know, I'm a horrible person. But are you going to let Ahsoka be the only Padawan their without a Master?"

Obi-Wan sighed and Anakin knew he had won the argument. "Very well. I'll meet you there, Ahsoka."

Ahsoka squealed and gave Obi-Wan a quick hug. "Thank you!"

Anakin grinned as Ahsoka ran down the hallway. Obi-Wan just glared at him.

* * *

Anakin was vaguely on the verge of throwing his holopad across the room, and telling Master Windu several creative ideas of what he could do with the paperwork, when Ahsoka came running into the room. She was still dripping wet, clad in her bathing suit, clutching a towel to her. Anakin was on immediate alert. He hadn't sensed anything had happened and Ahsoka was giving off more confusion than true panic.

"Snips, what's wrong?"

"Master Kenobi."

"Is he still refusing to go in the water?"

"No, he's – you need to help him. He – he just froze because…"

Anakin got swiftly to his feet. "Explain on the way." He strode out of his quarters, Ahsoka right by his side.

"He was in the water and, well sort of enjoying himself I guess…but…Some of the Younglings were goofing off around the waterfall, you know, and one of them slipped on the rocks and...and one of the Padawans caught him before he hit the bottom. He's – he's got a few cuts but…"

"What does this have to do with Obi-Wan?" Anakin snapped.

"I don't know! He just went over to make sure the other Younglings were okay and then he just stopped. He's just standing on the rocks and…he won't move, he won't respond to anyone…"

Anakin took off running.

Obi-Wan was standing precariously on the rocks above the waterfall, one hand outstretched. He was just watching the Youngling tumbling over, again and again and again until he started to become Bruck Chun. Obi-Wan kept reaching out, trying to grab his hand, trying desperately not to let him fall to his death. Every time, every single time his mind played out the same events over and over nothing changed. He couldn't save him. He watched a young boy fall to his death over and over, listening to the crack of his neck and skull as it collided with the rocks below. He could have saved him. If he just reached out a little further, if he just grabbed his wrist he could have….

"Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan!"

"Skyguy…he hasn't been responding to any of us."

"Why hasn't someone brought him down?"

"Master, they don't want to startle him or he'll lose his balance."

"We don't really have another choice. Stay here, Snips. Help the Masters clear out the younger kids."

Anakin stealthily crawled up behind Obi-Wan, making sure he was at a far enough distance not to alarm him, but close enough to catch him if he fell.

"Master."

"I let him die."

"Who? That kid is fine, Obi-Wan, nothing – "

" – Bruck."

That was a name Anakin hadn't heard mentioned more than once. Obi-Wan rarely talked about his past. Only after a few drinks did Obi-Wan occasionally share bits and pieces from his past. Anakin only knew a few things about Bruck. He was responsible for Obi-Wan's nickname, "Oafy-Wan." He turned against the Jedi and was fighting Obi-Wan when he slipped and fell to his death in the Room of One Thousand Fountains.

"That was years ago."

"He died. Just like Qui-Gon. I could have saved them both."

So it was back to this. Anakin had suspected that despite what the Healer's had told him, Obi-Wan was starting to suffer from some sort of post-traumatic stress. His nightmares were starting to become more frequent and it seemed that more and more often he would fall silent. The smallest things started to remind him of those he had lost. Every person that a Jedi killed, every person that they felt die, the kept with them. Their dying screams still echoed in the Force. Anakin was able to ignore them. His mother's death he regretted. He should have saved her. But others? He was a solider. Was he supposed to mourn killing monsters like Ventress? He killed only those who deserved it. Morally questionable, he supposed. Obi-Wan did always worry about Anakin and his sense of morals. Obi-Wan was the most moral person Anakin knew, he mourned every person he killed, murders and innocents alike.

"He made his own choice."

"I made his choice for him."

"You always told me you can't save everyone."

"And you never listened."

Anakin put one hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan did not turn around to look at him. "You saved everyone you could."

Obi-Wan spun around to face Anakin, who used his moment of distraction to pull him away from the edge. "What if I can't save you? Or Ahsoka? Will you forgive me so easily if I let you or Ahsoka die?"

"We aren't going to die. Someone needs to save you from doing stupid things like this."

Obi-Wan blinked and looked around. "You can still - Oh. What I am doing up here?"

"I really have no idea."

Obi-Wan sighed and allowed Anakin to help him out of the fountain. "Back to the Healers then? I should just take up residence there."

Ahsoka brought over a towel. She was still worried, but caught Obi-Wan's embarrassed look and Anakin's pensive look and decided to try and lighten the situation. "I can't take you two anywhere."

Anakin wrapped the towel around Obi-Wan and motioned for Ahsoka to follow them back to their quarters. There was no need to take Obi-Wan to the Healers just yet.

"I'm sorry to wreck your plans, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan told Ahsoka apologetically.

"Well, Skyguy would do anything to get out of doing paperwork."

Anakin gave a mock gasp. "You think I planned this? I'm hurt."

Obi-Wan headed into the refresher to change and Anakin and Ahsoka dropped their light conversations.

"Is he okay?"

Anakin frowned. "He'll be fine. Just the stress from the war."

"I'm stressed. You're stressed. Master Kenobi is a bit more than stressed."

"The Healers don't know what to do for him. I've already asked."

"They can't do anything?"

"Can't or won't, I don't know," Anakin muttered, "They offered just to give him pills. There is no real cure for it. The "cure" just stops him from thinking about anything, good or otherwise. He doesn't need to be sedated."

"So what do we do?"

"Nothing. We don't just dope him up on drugs, we don't think he's going to wake up and be magically changed. Maybe he won't ever get better. Maybe he will. I don't care. I'm not going to abandon him or just dump him off to the Healers. Obi-Wan Kenobi is my friend and my responsibility and I will stand by him."

Ahsoka held Anakin's hand. "Neither will I, Master."

* * *

A/N: For a suggested prompt from Fan who saved me from at least an hour of boredom. . "Anakin and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka go swimming." I decided to put a new spin on it because I have read tons of fanfictions with Anakin being afraid of the water and/or unable to swim. Thought it would be a nice change if it was Obi-Wan this time. And I swear it was going to be a light, non serious story but…..yeah it changed. And there was no real swimming involved. Really sorry. This might be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I have decided to continue this story with Obi-Wan fighting through post-traumatic stress and still trying to fight through the war. Pretty much just H/C. It will be Anakin/Obi-Wan.

* * *

When Obi-Wan cooked, half the Temple knew it. The entire corridor smelled like chocolate. Anakin took that to be a good sign. His sparring lesson with Ahsoka must have gone well, Anakin did not expect they would be back this soon, but if it meant he got whatever dessert Obi-Wan was cooking, he wasn't complaining. However, before Anakin could enter their quarters his commlink went off. Typical.

"Skywalker."

"It's Master Che. Ahsoka has woken up if you would like to see her."

Anakin heard that and took off running for the Healer's Ward. "What do you mean, woke up? What happened to her?"

"She is fine and I think she would rather tell you in person."

He reached the Healer's Ward within minutes. Ahsoka was sitting up in bed and thankfully looked fine.

Anakin stormed over to her, demanding to know what was wrong. "Ahsoka! You were supposed to be sparing with Obi-Wan! What happened?"

"Master Skywalker, as always, calm down or get out."

"Why was I not informed my Padawan has been hurt?"

"Master Kenobi assured us that he would inform you. I also gave him a new medication to take. Make sure he takes them."

"What does his medication have to do with anything? It didn't help, he stopped taking it. He didn't get better, it just sedated him all the time!"

"Unfortunately, that may be the safest course of action until we can find another alternative."

"He isn't dangerous!"

"Maybe you should listen to your Padawan's story first."

Anakin had already pieced together enough. "He attacked you."

Ahsoka nodded. "We were just sparing. Master Kenobi was – he was fine. I don't know if I hit him or, I don't know, he just froze and then started attacking me. Skyguy, I tried to disarm him or talk to him but he slammed me into a wall."

"Snips, you know this isn't your fault. You were lucky – " Anakin broke off, before finishing. Ahsoka knew what he meant. Neither of them wanted to admit Obi-Wan was dangerous, but he could easily have overpowered her. Obi-Wan could best Anakin in a duel, Ahsoka was simply too young and inexperienced to even have a hope of beating him. Any Jedi who lost control would be lethal.

"Master Kenobi brought her in once he had recovered. She suffered a mild concussion, nothing more. She is free to leave. I will make the full report to the Council."

Anakin bowed respectfully and helped Ahsoka out of bed.

"Anakin, there is one more…it would be best if Ahsoka did not stay in your quarters for a few days."

"No. Master Che, I trust Master Kenobi!"

"Padawan, I am sure you do. But until we are satisfied his medication is working, we do not want to risk him having another episode."

"That is ridiculous. It was because they were sparing, not because of Ahsoka."

Master Che looked sympathetic, "We don't know that. Not yet. I am sorry, but it is the best for your Padawan."

Anakin nodded grimly. "Fine."

He and Ahsoka walked out.

"Master, the Council aren't going to blame him, are they?"

"No. There is nothing to blame him for. He wasn't out to harm you, Ahsoka."

"Master Che didn't see it that way."

"Master Che does her duty as a Healer. It is understandable if you are cautious around Obi-Wan – "

" – I'm just worried about him, Master."

Anakin put a hand on her shoulder. "So am I." Anakin's concern for Obi-Wan was apparent even if it wasn't flooding their training bond. Obi-Wan had gone months without an incident. The worse he had suffered was a few nightmares.

"But at least for tonight though, stay with Master Unduli and Bariss. It will be better if I can talk to Obi-Wan first anyway."

Ahsoka turned a corner towards Bariss' room. "Yes, Master."

"Just make sure you and Bariss could try not to terrorize Master Unduli?"

"Just how you and Master Kenobi never terrorize Master Che? Or Master Windu?

"I don't know what you're talking about, Snips. I'm Master Che's best patient."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Of course, Master. Have a good night."

* * *

Anakin rushed back to their quarters. He hated being forced between his Padawan and his Master. He doubted that Ahsoka had triggered Obi-Wan's panic, but he couldn't be sure. Did he want to risk it? Did he want to tell Obi-Wan Ahsoka wasn't allowed in the same room as him? Either way, someone was going to be hurt. At least if Obi-Wan attacked Anakin, he would have a fighting chance.

The hallway and room still smelled strongly of Obi-Wan's baking. The bedroom was empty, as was the kitchen. The sink was filled with dishes and empty cookie sheets. The bottle of pills for the Healer's was unopened and sitting on the counter. Obi-Wan was curled up on their couch, hidden by his cloak, a mostly empty pan of brownies in his lap. He didn't look up or show any sign that he knew Anakin was there.

"Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan didn't so much as look up. He took another chunk of brownie and mechanically started to eat it. Anakin sat down on the couch next to him and gently pulled his hood down. His face was downcast, his eyes staring unblinkingly at the pan in front of him. Anakin tugged the pan away from him.

"Come here for my side of the story? Want to know what Master Kenobi did?"

Anakin brushed the crumbs from Obi-Wan's tunic and beard. "If you want to tell me."

"I almost killed your Padawan. I – I was going to tell you, I just…what was I going to say? Sorry, Anakin, I almost killed your Padawan because I'm a crazy old man whose losing his mind and didn't take his meds."

Anakin tried to wrap his arm around Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan pushed him away. "Ahsoka is fine. No one blames you."

"I threw her into a wall. I – we were sparing. Something happened. I didn't see her anymore. Ventress was there, threatening you and Ahsoka and it felt so real, Anakin! I would have sworn Ventress was right in front of me. I didn't – I couldn't remember she was dead or that Ahsoka was there with me. Why wouldn't I remember? It was like everything never existed – like it was just Ventress and I fighting. I should – I should have taken – nothing happened for months – I thought – "

"Obi-Wan, I know. Ahsoka and I saw what you were like when you took those kriffing pills. We don't blame you for not taking them."

"Where is Ahsoka?"

"She's spending the night with Bariss."

"So they don't trust me around her."

Anakin shifted uncomfortably. "Master Che wanted to make sure your reaction wasn't triggered by Ahsoka."

"It wasn't her, Anakin. I promise. Does – how is Ahsoka?" He could only imagine how much it must have scared her. To have a fully trained Jedi Master suddenly start to fight you with every bit of power and skill he possessed, that had to be frightening. He could have killed her. If the flashback had lasted longer, if he not snapped out of it when he did…..

"I think she was proud she held off a Jedi Master for so long." Anakin's voice softened. "Neither of us blame you."

"You should." Obi-Wan whispered. "You should hate me. I saw Ahsoka and wanted to kill her. I threw her into a wall and then left her in the Healer's. I put her in the Healer's ward and I hid here."

There were tears slowly streaming down his face. Anakin pulled Obi-Wan closer to him, wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I will never hate you. It was not your fault."

Obi-Wan buried his face in Anakin's tunic. "I'm going to start taking the medication."

"You know the nightmares are going to be worse." That was what happened last time. Every bit of emotion the drugs suppressed during the day seemed to be regurgitated at night. Without the meds, he was up maybe four times month screaming and shaking. The medication made sure it was every night instead.

"I am not going to risk this again. I should never have stopped taking them."

The thought of the nightmares terrified him. In all of them he seemed to be dying, over and over and over. Drowning. Shot by the clones. Run through by Dooku. Burned to death by Anakin. Tortured by Ahsoka. They all felt extremely real, sometimes taking Obi-Wan minutes to accept that he was safe in his bed. He hated the idea of going back to that. Waking up in a cold sweat and screaming himself hoarse. Lashing out with both the Force and his fists. He might not be dangerous, but he still wasn't in control.  
He wanted to ask for Anakin's help again. Anakin always could tell when the nightmares started and was by Obi-Wan's side in seconds. There was no one in the galaxy who made him feel safer. He just hated to have Anakin do this for him. As soon as Obi-Wan asked, Anakin would feel obligated to do it. So he decided not to ask. Obi-Wan was not some child who needed saving from the monsters under the bed. He knew these were just dreams and couldn't hurt him. He didn't need Anakin, as much as he wanted his help. It was his problem and he would get through this alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Anakin and Ahsoka were both looking coolly down at Obi-Wan.

"The Council had decided you will be removed from your duty as a Jedi."

"Why?"

"Master Kenobi, you can't be fighting in the field anymore."

"Am – am I to stay on as a diplomat?"

Anakin laughed cruelly. "How foolish are you?" You are no longer a Jedi. You are done in this Temple. We don't need you to fight or to negotiate."

Obi-Wan was silent. "I don't understand."

Ahsoka and Anakin looked at each other before Ahsoka answered. "Master, what can you do anymore? You've become a danger. No one feels safe near you."

Anakin nodded. "You're too old. Frail. Out of shape. I'm always too busy protecting you to focus on the mission."

"We would be better off without you. So today is your last day in the Temple."

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin in confusion. Anakin wouldn't do this to him. Anakin loved him, didn't he? "Anakin…Where do I go?"

"Who cares?" Anakin snarled. "There is no room for you here. You don't deserve to live here. You are holding us all back."

"No one wants to care for an invalid," Ahsoka told him, "don't you want what's best for us?"

"Did you think I would stay with you forever? Do you think I would stay with an old man my entire life?"

"Master Anakin is better without you. There are so many people who are younger, more attractive, and better suited for him. You have nothing to offer him any longer."

Obi-Wan mutely nodded and Anakin threw him a bag of his belongings and then put his hand on Ahsoka's shoulder and the pair of them walked away. Obi-Wan stood there numbly. _What just happened?_

Master Yoda walked by and Obi-Wan immediately turned to him. "Master Yoda, I have some serious concerns about – "

" – gone, you should be. Leaving you, the Jedi are."

Obi-Wan sank to his knees and then found himself standing on the streets of Courscant. He had no idea where to start. He had no money, no experience to get a job, not to mention no one was likely to hire someone at his age, or an ex-Jedi. Looking around him, he saw the Courscant lowlifes, curled up in the doorsteps and corners of the street. These were the drug-users, the people who had no friends or family to take them in. Obi-Wan was one of them now. Perhaps Anakin and Ahsoka would change their mind, they would come desperately searching for him, pleading for forgiveness. A few minutes later however, he felt his and Anakin's bond break. So Anakin was never coming back for him after all.

His desperate, heartbroken sobs echoed through Courscant.

* * *

Ahsoka was immediately woken up by Obi-Wan's hoarse shouting. She and Anakin had been waiting for the nightmares to start up again. Just another side affect. She and Anakin had expected the nightmares sooner, but their hopes had been high this new type of medication would not have that particular side affect. Obi-Wan had already gone back to wandering around with the dead look in his eyes. Even when he had gone to apologize to Ahsoka, there was no emotion in the words. Normally his eyes would be filled with regret and a plea for forgiveness. Obi-Wan did what he was required to do, talking politely to Anakin and Ahsoka, but there was no banter, no laughter, no personality in his speech. It was a week and a half of a droid-like replica of Obi-Wan. Anakin and Ahsoka hated it, and Anakin could only assume Obi-Wan felt equally repulsed by it.

There was nothing they could do about the medications side-affects, but she could possibly try to alleviate the nightmares. Ahsoka got carefully out of her bed and headed over to Obi-Wan's room. She paused outside the door. It wasn't her place to intrude on him like this, but his cries weren't fading. Opening the door slightly, she saw Anakin had already rushed to Obi-Wan's side. Ahsoka slipped out of the room and shut the door quietly behind her. Anakin could handle this far better than she could.

"Please, please don't kick me out. Please."

Anakin was astonished. "I'm not…Obi-Wan…this is your room."

"I – I swear, I'm still useful. Please, Anakin, I have nowhere else to go. The Temple is my home."

Anakin sat down next to Obi-Wan, who sat up, hunched over, and started to shake back and forth. Anakin immediately moved over towards Obi-Wan, and he allowed himself to be pulled into Anakin's lap.

"Obi-Wan, you aren't leaving the Temple. It will always be your home."

Obi-Wan furiously shook his head. "No. You said I was too old. I didn't – I don't deserve to live here."

Anakin wound his arms more tightly around Obi-Wan's back. "No. Obi-Wan, you are still dreaming. You aren't going anywhere. It was all a dream."

"It wasn't! You and Ahsoka are going to kick me out. Please – please, don't kick me out."

Anakin kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Obi-Wan. Shhhh. Look at me. I'm here for you. I'm not leaving. Just relax."

It took a few minutes for Obi-Wan to become completely aware of his surroundings. He kept his frantic hold on Anakin the entire time. Eventually, he regained his composure and pulled himself back out of Anakin's grasp.

"It would seem the side-affects of the medication are starting. I am sorry to have woken you up."

"You were terrified, Obi-Wan. What was the nightmare about?"

"I am not discussing it."

"You do know I am never going to abandon you?"

"Of course I do." His voice was extremely shaky and Anakin wasn't fooled.

The feeling of abandonment was still on Obi-Wan's mind. He was so sure no one wanted him, so positive that the Obi-Wan currently in Anakin's arms was rapidly turning into an old, frail man. He might only be thirty-give, but he could feel his youth rapidly fading. The gray hair starting to grace his temple, extra weight settling around his middle, his joints and muscles were stiffening, losing their agility. Based on his many battles wounds and tortures, he would be unfit for active duty in his sixties. Anakin would only be forty-four. He would have so many years left, both as a Jedi and in his personal life. Was Obi-Wan really going to expect Anakin to watch over him? Was he really going to stay with an unattractive, decrepit man?

He had unconsciously gone back to hunching over and quivering furiously. Anakin summoned a nearby blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders, pulling Obi-Wan backwards to lean against his chest.

"I am always going to stay with you." Anakin smiled. "After all your lectures about shielding, now yours are faulty. This is what your dreams were about? You think Ahsoka and I are just going to…to throw you out?"

"I – I think you made reasonable arguments for doing so."

"Obi-Wan, you will always have a home with me. I don't care if you are too old to be out fighting by my side. It doesn't make you less important. It just means I get to come back to the Temple to have my loving boyfriend waiting for me."

"I know. It just felt…real."

"It will never be real." Anakin muttered. "You are part of my life, Obi-Wan. I'm not letting you go. Trust me."

Obi-Wan sighed contentedly and rested his head on Anakin's shoulder. "I trust you."

* * *

A/N: Next chapter is going to have more dreams; Obi-Wan kills someone.


End file.
